Shona Sundhari

In Grief Tending we are all the listeners and the story tellers. All that is alive in our hearts is welcome.

Tending our grief collectively is where healing happens.

Grief Tending is a community practice of coming together, opening our hearts, sharing what resides there and letting our grief, pain and sorrow have a voice and be witnessed.

It’s also a space where we connect to what we love about our life, our world, what we are grateful for and makes our hearts sing with joy and gladness.

Traditionally in our culture we might take our grief to a therapist or a spiritual teacher. There’s a reasonably accepted normality in this 1-2-1 model of sharing, where usually one person is the listener or the professional and the other is the speaker, the one who needs the support.

In Grief Tending we are all the listeners and the story tellers. We all have grief to share and we listen together. In this community space of listening and sharing we tap into what it is to be human in this world and realise that we are interconnected, that our feelings, stories, experiences are shared in this world by other humans. We become less alone.

This does not replace or negate the need for 1-2-1 professional support. Therapy can be invaluable – I have my own experience of that. And sometimes we need something different – a practice and way of being that our ancestors were familiar with. Where the village comes together in song, in praise of life and to listen to the depths of sorrow and troubles. Where both are welcomed and attended to.

In Grief Tending we welcome all that is alive in our hearts – anger, fear, numbness, love, loss, overwhelm, loneliness, rage…Our grief may be for the loss of a loved one – that is a grief our culture is more familiar with acknowledging, however there are so many other doorways that open up our grief. Perhaps it’s a change of health, loss of work, community, money, feelings of uncertainty, pain for our world, fear for the future, ancesteral wounds, harm we have caused to others or ourselves…the pot is huge and simmers away always. When we come together we gently stir the pot, see and feel whats in there and let it have it’s space by speaking aloud, shouting, writing, dancing, crying, being silent, laying down on the earth.

Grief Tending comes in many forms – online tending, day long tending and weekend retreats. We use tried and tested practices from both our own and other lands. Malidoma Some is one of our teachers in this work. His name means ‘Friend of the Enemy’. He travelled from Africa to America and England to share the practices of his village and people so that we could learn this healing way of being together. I have deep gratitude for his journey to share this way of living.

I personally find deep healing in tending to my sorrow with others, and I came to this work through my own lived experiences, meeting the pain of ‘What I expected and did not receive” gateway of grief, and witnessing the gaps in my community that I notice require more human connection, space, greater compassion, deep listening and presence. I was met by acceptance, care and compassion when I came to Grief Tending and it has changed my life. When I listen to others speak their grief, I internally say ‘me too’, ‘I feel that’…and I feel less alone with what I carry.

I have been facilitating Grief Tending spaces for 5 years and offer online and in person spaces. Please see below for current offerings. I offer Grief Tending within organisations, community settings and with individuals who wish to create a grief tending ceremony with a fellow heart alongside them. I also work with Norfolk Grief Tending as a lead facilitator. You can find out about their fantastic work here.

I am grateful to Sophy Banks, Dita Vizoso and Sarah Pletts for their teaching, experience and wisdom, and for all the teachers I draw wisdom from in this work. Sophy Banks and others offer training in Apprentice to Grief in Devon. You can find out about their work here.

NEW ROOTS PROJECT – IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN COLLABORATING ON A GRIEF TENDING WITH CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE PROJECT, PLEASE BE IN TOUCH. IDEAL PEOPLE ARE THOSE CURRENTLY WORKING WITH CHILDREN/YOUNG PEOPLE AND HAVE ATTENDED A GRIEF TENDING IN COMMUNITY WORKSHOP.

Opportunities coming up to attend Grief Tending: